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What is StupidFood?

In the grocery store aisles, discovering new taste combinations and culinary products is always fascinating. Unfortunately, some businesses have gone one (or two) steps too far with trendy cuisine trends. “Mac and Cheetos” or “Seaweed Pringles” aren’t exactly tasty, and they’re downright ridiculous. As corporations continue to strive to develop the “next big food fad” or “hot new food trend,” these absurd goods are easy to come by on grocery store shelves. It’s almost as though businesses are prepared to mix any two items together as long as it’s technically possible. Although it is technically conceivable to stuff chocolate sauce into a burger, this is by no means a good idea.

What happened to eating traditional snacks? – r/StupidFood

What happened to making novel (but reasonable) food products using common sense?

Trying new things like “pumpkin-spice lattes,” “beet brownies,” and “red velvet Oreos” makes us happy (and makes our stomachs hungry for more). Although these items are distinct, the flavour combinations are still realistic and appealing. Overall, culinary ingenuity has a limit (and not all ingredients will make the perfect match).

Some businesses have perfected the art of being inventive enough to provide a delectable bite while being practical and appealing. Others, on the other hand, have gone crazy with their inventiveness, leaving us giggling at their absurd creations…

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Kale, Pear, Banana Ice Cream – r/StupidFood

Kale has gained a “superfood” reputation in recent years, and food manufacturers have begun to promote its use to make their goods look healthier. Unfortunately, some businesses have gone beyond with the “kale craze.” At the very least, this product promotes healthy choices, right? But, let’s face it, if you’re going to eat ice cream, you might as well do it in style. You may as well have a triple chocolate fudge ice cream cone or a cookie dough sundae if you’re going to spend money on a treat. Keep the greens for a nutritious lunch salad or a hearty chicken supper, and skip the ice cream.

Japan Honey/Mustard/Chocolate Burger

Japan Honey/Mustard/Chocolate Burger

A grilled chicken or ham sandwich with honey and mustard is a great combo. In a dessert, honey and chocolate are a winning combination. But a burger topping that includes honey, mustard, and chocolate? That is really absurd. For the month of February in 2014, the Japanese burger company “Lotteria” offered this chocolatey burger. I understand the desire to include chocolate into a Valentine’s Day cuisine, but I’m not sure how I’d feel if I got this wild burger as a Valentine’s Day present. Leave the chocolate-inspired dishes to the pastry shops; burgers are already delicious.

Kale Littles

Kale Littles

The kale motif has been carried a bit too far yet again. This product was invented by the firm “Dr. Praeger’s” in an attempt to get children to eat their veggies. The “Kale Littles” were designed to look like charming small “gummy-bear-shaped” nibbles to appeal to youngsters. These aren’t gummy bears, and I don’t think the kids are fooled either. The hue is a tad off-putting for a potato treat (the green), and the kale isn’t really “hidden.” Instead, serve a delicious fruit salad or one of these other healthy snack alternatives to your children.

Charms Cereal Marshmallows – r/StupidFood

I’m not sure if this product is hilarious or brilliant. Whoever made the decision to sell only the marshmallows did it carefully. Instead of keeping all of the marshmallows for the final taste, you may now have a tablespoon with each bite. Who needs grains anyway? Forget about the boring old grain cereal. Isn’t a large dosage of sugar all we need in the morning? I’m picturing them folded into vanilla ice cream, baked into cupcakes, or used as a tasty topping for pancakes or waffles. The possibilities are limitless, and we applaud the product’s creators for their brilliant concept!

Avitae Caffeine Water

Need a cup of coffee but don’t want to ruin your business documents with a brown stain? You’re covered with this product. This water bottle has a hidden amount of caffeine, just in case 4 cups of morning coffee wasn’t enough. This might be a lifesaver for all coffee addicts. Even better, this “special water” is suitable for those who want caffeine but dislike the harsh flavour of coffee. You may now obtain the same effects (without the foul breath and discoloured teeth) without having to go through the harsh coffee flavour!

Onion Ring Mints

I’m sure these so-called “mints” are perplexed—aren’t mints meant to make your breath smell nice? Nothing beats the flavour of onion rings in your tongue after you’ve finished your dinner. I’m sure your lover would be surprised if they lean in for a goodnight kiss and smelled onion rings—yikes. I’m not sure what these goodies were supposed to achieve, but I think we can all agree they shouldn’t be named “mints.” Maybe someone out there has a thing for the smell of onion rings, and this would be the ideal small present for them?

Oh Ryan’s Potatoes

There are some things that should never be canned, and whole sandwiches are one of them. Candwiches are canned sandwiches that are available in a variety of tastes. If spreading peanut butter and jelly on two slices of bread seems like too much work, you can now buy them in a can. A semi-squished peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich emerges from a basic can opener. BBQ chicken canned sandwiches and peanut butter and grape jelly sandwiches are also available. It’s a bit humiliating to think that you can make a full meal out of a can—all you need is a can of cola and some canned brown raisin bread for dessert. It’s a gourmet supper all together.

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Candwich (Canned Sandwiches)

Full sandwiches are one of those “things” that should never, ever be canned. Candwiches are canned sandwiches in various flavours. You can now get PB&J in a can if spreading it on two slices of toast is too much effort. A semi-squished peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich emerges from a basic can opener with a spin. BBQ chicken canned sandwiches, as well as peanut butter and grape jelly sandwiches, are available from the brand. It’s a bit humiliating to think that you can make a whole meal out of a can—all you need is a can of cola and some canned brown raisin bread for dessert. It’s a gourmet supper when combined.

Canned Brown Bread

Some things should never be canned, as previously said. Another item that might benefit from being offered outside of a can is this bread (and in a regular bread loaf). I’m not sure what keeps this canned bread fresh for so long, but I’d prefer not know. The worst aspect about this product is that when you remove it from the can, the bread resembles a can. The bread has the same round indents, and it has a faint “glossy” appearance from whatever chemicals were on the inside—yikes! I understand that cooking might be a nuisance at times, but let’s at least agree to buy a basic loaf of bread.

About /r/StupidFood

This subreddit was founded in response to this atrocity, discovered in Harrogate, Yorkshire, in spring 2015 in an unknown and as yet nameless emporium of overweening pretentiousness.

A buddy deserves credit for coming up with the brilliantly un-PC name. You have every right to be offended. It doesn’t turn us into totalitarian bigots, but it makes us a lot of sweaters.

Behold! The SAC, or the first spastic’artisan’ cuntbox: – r/StupidFood

After several discussions on /r/TheRedLion in which considerable fury was voiced over the current tendency for restaurant service knobwankery, /u/Clackpot started the sub on an otherwise idle Saturday in April 2015. Remember that pseuds, proto-hipsters, and a slew of other fucknuggets pay to have their (sometimes delicious) meals served to them on discarded shoes, construction debris, and tiny garden furniture.

It is a hallmark of the times that the unimaginative, credulous, and legions of trendy simpletons prefer ‘dining experiences’ over good cuisine. The presentation of a meal has come to be viewed as of paramount significance, no matter how ludicrous it may be. Hordes of arrogant wankers in white coats and tall hats eagerly devise ridiculous methods to degrade fine cuisine by serving it in totally impractical and improper ways. We can’t stop it, but we can laugh at it until they crawl back into their tunnels and deliver us a warmed dish instead.

If you let the food speak for itself, it will undoubtedly do so loudly and clearly, “What do you want me to go out on?! Get out of here!”

Regarding /r/StupidFood and /r/WeWantPlates:

I named this sub Stupid Food instead of We Want Plates since I didn’t want to imitate the previously established website. Then /r/WeWantPlates showed up and did it anyway, quickly outgrowing /r/StupidFood in the process, and best of luck to them; they’re doing a fantastic job.

However, as this unfolded, I gradually saw that pretentiousness in the most fundamental of human necessities, food and drink, could manifest itself in various ways beyond mere presentation. For example, I’m baffled how anyone in the business can keep a straight face when saying “molecular gastronomy,” although it’s a real thing.

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